Tired of listening to advocates of nuclear power squawk about how safe it is, how beneficial and green it can be, and how we need nukes on every corner? Need further proof that nuclear power plants affect their surrounding areas in averse ways? Fisherman in Argentina recently caught el pez de tres ojos—that is, a fish with three eyes, something that The Simpsons made us familiar with in basically the same context. That must be good for the community; more is better, right?

The fisherman who caught the three-eyed creature says that the discovery of the fish has worried locals, who seem to be making mental correlations between the fish and the nuclear power plant. Hmm, you think? I’m not questioning the logic of fisherman or Argentineans for that matter; I am questioning the logic of the human race in doing something as stupid as playing with nuclear power and expecting no consequences to result. Every time something bad happens regarding one of these power plants, everyone likes to pretend it exists within a void—“That would never happen here,” politicians might say, while nuke industry heads smile and nod and cite safety laws and precautions and other meaningless tripe when it comes to nuclear power.

And the various strategies and prevention techniques provided for the millions of people who live near nuclear power plants are also laughable. Shielding yourself with a plate? Many of them sound like the same advice our parents got in the 50s when it came to nuclear threats, like hiding under your desk.
“You can basically just kiss your happy butt goodbye!” is what the pamphlets should read. Even if no violent explosions or attacks happen, the mere exposure and resulting cancers and other death warrants are severe enough. Nobody should be living near these things. Ever.

And we shouldn’t be pushing for the development of more of them, either. Humans aren’t smart enough to deal with this technology, let alone its consequences. We are famous for coming up with ideas that prove to be not-so-great; one day when we are extinct, the next species that takes over will probably laugh at us, if a record of our idiocy even survives whatever atrocities we eventually commit (or are currently committing) to end our own existence.

In the meantime, I’d much rather laugh over Blinky than worry about even more nuclear plants popping up across the country; how about you?